Hi, my name is Rylie Weber. I am currently 21 years old and I am a senior at Oklahoma State University. I am so excited to share my story with you all!

Growing up I was the ornery youngest child who caused all the trouble. I have two older sisters who are overall pretty awesome humans. Collectively they’ve given me two nieces who are truly my pride and joy. Life with two sisters was a blast, we got to surprise people with our fist-fights that looked like three grown men in a bar fight. My dad thought it was funny (until braces came along and he bought boxing gloves), while my mom just shook her head.

My mom is simple and steady, she forgives everyone, even when they don’t deserve it, and she’s a vault for every secret. My dad was a little rough around the edges, and the older I get the more people say I’m just like him, which I’m still deciding if that’s good or bad. He was someone who would quite literally push you to be the very best version of yourself. He never gave up on anyone, he would give the shirt off his back to a complete stranger, no questions asked. He taught all of us girls that we don’t need a man, we mowed the lawn, changed tires, worked on rent houses, and did all the typical “son” chores around the house, but don’t get me wrong we had to “make a good wife one day” so we were doing the dishes and laundry after. On a real note, he taught us what hard work was and he showed us that it would get us anywhere we wanted to go. He never failed to humble us when we were wrong but he was always the first to congratulate us after a win. I really do have the best family a girl could ask for. I am a mosaic of all the people God has placed in my life, every family member, every friend, every person who has loved me and who I have loved. To know me is to know them, because their pieces are woven into every part of me.

I grew up in church because that’s what you do in small-town Oklahoma. At six years old, I got baptized because my sisters were, but I didn’t truly understand the Gospel. No one really questioned if six year old Rylie understood the meaning of asking Jesus into her heart. She just thought why not go for a swim in big church just like the big sisters did. My life was smooth sailing other than the occasional whoopings for “being mean” to my sister. I learned all the right answers in Sunday school, went to every camp, and wore the mask of a “good Christian girl.” Now is a good time to mention that I was (and occasionally still am) a very prideful person. Around middle school, I realized that I had never actually had a moment of salvation. I was living in constant fear, knowing that if I died, I would not be spending eternity with Jesus, but I was even more fearful of swallowing my pride and walking the aisle in front of all those people who I had this mask on for.

The summer before my freshman year in high school I was at Fallscreek and I couldn't do it anymore, the fear and faking were too much. That July night I truly gave my life to Christ. (Fun fact: that same night at a totally different camp, my best friend Allison gave her life to Jesus) I was baptized soon after, but I treated my relationship with God like a one-way phone call. I would talk and He would listen but I didn’t really need His advice or to even try and hear Him because I was 15 and in high school. I obviously knew the answers to every question in the universe. (Again, a very prideful person. Not a flex LOL)

The morning of January 3rd, 2021, my sophomore year of high school I was getting ready for church and there was a knock at the door. It was the Oklahoma Bureau of Investigation. In the early hours of that morning my dad was murdered by someone very close to him. Which obviously left everyone in confusion and hurt. The next couple of weeks and months were kind of a blur, some of which I truly don’t remember. I became bitter and I shut everyone in my life out, I treated people so badly. I lost friends and people that I loved so dearly because of the way my heart had hardened to the world. Now I wish I could tell you that it only lasted a couple of months but that wasn’t the case. I continued to ignore everyone and everything for about two years.

People would always tell me, “You’re so tough.” And for a while, I believed them. I wore that toughness like armor, like something to be proud of. But the truth is I tried to do it alone for years, and all it left me with was bitterness. I was numb, hardened, and exhausted from carrying pain I was never meant to carry by myself. It wasn’t strength holding me together, it was pride. It wasn’t resilience, it was a refusal to surrender.

Then it was time to go to college. I felt completely alone, about to move away from home, and heartbroken. This was the first time I’d ever felt like I didn’t want to be alive anymore. The thought of there being any hope never even crossed my mind. At the time, I didn’t realize it, but sometimes God breaks our heart to save our soul. It was apparent I had not surrendered my life to Jesus. I had had that moment of salvation, Jesus was in my heart but because of my unwillingness to surrender we didn’t have a relationship. One night I was in my dorm room and I was on the phone with my now mentor but at the time just my best friends mom but she basically raised me, she was there the day I was born and every day after. She’s the most prayerful and faithful servant of Christ I’ve ever met. We were on the phone and I was crying these big alligator tears telling her I just couldn’t do it anymore. She responded something along the lines of yeah you can’t and you won’t make it unless you surrender your life to Jesus. I remember thinking “this lady is insane” because what is that going to fix. I obviously didn’t have a better idea so I gave it shot. I went all in that night. I fully surrendered to the fact that I needed help and could no longer do things on my own. I had to fully surrender to God and allow Him to control EVERY area of my life. It was then, not immediately but through walking hand in hand with the Lord daily that I found freedom in surrender. I discovered that the Word of God is alive and active and has the power to change you from the inside out. 

It’s only when we surrender, when we bring our wounds, our confusion, and our weakness to the feet of Jesus that healing begins. His presence doesn’t promise the absence of pain, but it does promise peace in the middle of it, purpose beyond it, and power to endure it. I wouldn’t be alive today if I hadn’t hit rock bottom and discovered He is the Rock at the bottom. God has and is continuing to fill every crack in my heart with Himself and daily He continues to stretch and grow me in ways I didn't know I needed. Now I get to stand before you today praising God for the rock I hit at the bottom. I get to thank Him for all the heartbreak that lead me to the foot of the cross. God doesn't allow pointless struggles for His children, He doesn't waste a hurt. He knows exactly who He wants you to be and He knows what it takes to get you there. That loss and heartbreak broke me, but it also opened the door to the greatest healing I’ve ever known. And now, I get to point others to the hope I found in Jesus. We serve a good and sovereign God. A God who doesn’t waste our pain. A God who walks with us through the valley. A God who brings healing from heartbreak, and purpose from loss. I am a firm believer that God allows us to connect through our brokenness. We walk through our fire so that we can hold someone’s hand through theirs. 

All glory to Him, I don’t deserve any of it. Thank you, Jesus. May I be a vessel of Your overflow.

Good talk,
Rylie with the Messy Life :)